| Op Ed: The Gift of Grace
By Lynn Forbes
Johannesburg, Tuesday, 17 December 2024- The Christmas season often shines a light on joy and togetherness, but for many, it also brings into sharp focus the absence of loved ones. As I prepare for the holidays this year, I reflect on the journey I’ve walked since losing my son in February 2023. His assassination left an unfillable space in my heart, and grief became my constant companion. But it’s in this grief that I discovered something transformative: the power of grace.
The Transformative Power of Grace
Grief is unpredictable. It doesn’t follow a schedule or follow the rules we think it should. It rewrites everything you thought you knew about yourself, your relationships, and your world. After losing Kiernan, I witnessed how pain reshapes us all. It can lead us to act in ways that aren’t true to who we are; sometimes retreating into silence, other times lashing out in ways we regret. These reactions only exposed our shared vulnerability. But through it all, I came to understand that grace was the key to healing. When we come to accept that the behaviour of others have more to do with their internal struggles than us, we learn grace.
Grace doesn’t mean ignoring hurtful actions; it’s choosing to look beyond them, understanding the pain that drives them. It’s offering patience and compassion, especially when emotions are raw. But grace isn’t just for others; it begins within. I had to learn to forgive myself for the ways I faltered, for the moments when I wasn’t as strong as I hoped to be. In embracing my own imperfections, I found the strength to offer grace to others.
The Balance of Grace and Boundaries
A vital lesson I’ve learned is that grace must coexist with boundaries. Offering grace doesn’t mean letting others take advantage of your kindness or leave you depleted. It’s about protecting your own peace and allowing yourself the space to heal while still extending compassion to others. This balance, though challenging, is an act of love; both for yourself and those around you. I realised that boundaries are not walls, but acts of self-care, allowing me to give from a place of courage rather than exhaustion.
Grace During the Holidays
The holidays can be especially difficult for those who are grieving. The world is full of festive cheer, but for some, the season brings an overwhelming reminder of what’s missing. The pain of loss feels more acute against the backdrop of joy, and even simple tasks can seem insurmountable.
This is where grace can be the greatest gift we offer one another. It’s understanding that someone’s silence or short temper might be their way of coping with their pain. It’s choosing kindness over judgment, empathy over assumptions. Grace creates room for healing, understanding, and connection; qualities that make the Christmas season meaningful. |
